A New Perspective of My Ideal Man....(He's Real! Oh my goshhhh!!)

When I was a kid, i was conditioned that prince charming is existing. He came in a dashing suit. He was perfect any girls dreams. He's good looking, rich, intelligent, and very caring...Until I grew up and asking, is there really a Mr. Right? Or a perfect guy perfect for every woman?

My experience had taught me that such man can never exist. Not even my ex boyfriends fit on the profile of Mr. Right. I wish he can be like that. But all the more it makes me darn frustrated and disappointed in the end, not wanting to pursue marriage anymore. If marriage will give me hell, i'd prefer to be single forever rather being with a pain-in-the-ass man for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll give it a shot. But I need to be careful.

My experience before made me think that it's just fine for me not to marry. And why not? I'm used to manage my own life...

Until God has sent me this man unexpectedly. I have my own requirements of my ideal man. Aside from his good character of course, is the way he makes me feel. If he can manage to get my attention the very first time I saw him. He's the kind of guy that will not make me want other men beside me. It's him whom I think 24/7 and he's making me melt like butter every time I think of him. In short, am looking for this kilig factor. Oh! There was a man who made me feel like this..And it fades away...
This emotion is dead a long time ago until a stranger from the internet managed to disrupt my system. I still remember some of my posts about him on this blog:

"There’s nothing wrong with Brendan..its my emotions, doin sumthing wrong with me..but how ironic it felt sooo d**** f***** good.!!! There sumthin wrong with mHe!! D**** you Brenddan!!but ur soooooo m****da********* yummy!! Ur simply irressistable..how I wish ur totally a mother******* SON*********** or a good-for-nothing crazy AS*****…not like this!!! Ur sooo sweet..ur soooo thoughtful.. so gentle..so devastatingly handsome, gorgeous, Hot and ohh darn sexy….i cant blame my fellow specie..you can really inspire such wanting…"

Well, I guess I just need to be thankful that im still a normal b****** who happens to feel this way..i felt this a long time ago..wen I was a teenager..i tot no man would ever manage to do what im feeling right now..i tot dis tickling emotions are dead, a long time ago…now I realize that I was wrong…"
(September 12, 2007) (by the way,please bear with my foul languages..am not a Christian yet that time)...

And how about this from the story I created:

"He’s still the same guy she used to know. Handsome as always… He never failed to make her heart melt like butter every time she sees him. He’s the kind of guy who makes her want to look at his face over and over again. He doesn’t know, but she just loves to look at his lovely sparkling eyes that speak innocence in spite of his blatant arrogance. He is strong and full of confidence for himself. There’s just one thing she hates about him—he can read what she feels and he really finds it pleasurable to tease her! Grrrr… ..oh my! Is she that obvious???"

Hahaha..I can't help but laugh. But I realize how childish my wishes are...

I realize that finding an ideal man is not all about feelings. Because I met this ideal man with the opposite feeling...

But this man is really different from all of them. I used to ignore him before. I consider him a friend. I really don't think about him. And most of all, I really don't take much time and effort to communicate with him.....But I tell you, he is the embodiment of my fantasy. I've seen my ideal man. The Mr. Right for me...
But how????????

Love is Powerful Enough to Change Us

They say that when you’re in love with someone, your life will never be the same. Everything is bright. Everything that you’re doing has a direction. You’re life is full of meaning. And when the going gets tough, you still have the energy to keep pushing until you finally overcome. In spite of the storm, you will learn to smile and shove away the burdens just a thought of that special someone that keeps you alive inside. Oh, how romantic isn’t it? And most of all, you never thought that you will become a better person you never imagined you’re capable of becoming.

February is now approaching and I can feel the big L is in the air. I’m not really a sentimental type neither of person nor into those mushy stuffs. This ain’t my type of personality. But that doesn’t mean I’m stone-hearted, far from that! In spite of my dominance, I still can’t hide my tenderness. I can’t help but show my concern and my longing to be with a person. You know that you are really in love when you know you are willing to give everything that you have. You are willing to give up all the things that are not pleasant for your loved one. No matter how hard it is, you’re willing to take the risk and pay the price even if it’s causing you to die inside. You really can’t love without getting your clothes torn or your halo askew, but this big thing that keeps pumping on your blood, its all worth the effort!

When I fall in love, I gave up everything. Personal ambition, my selfish needs, my own gratification. I even give up the need to be independent and in-control of my life. I used to hate my old self that keeps on hunting me like a nightmare. It cuts my heart with double-edged knife every time I look at her.

But I don’t bother anymore because Someone is loving me more than I hate myself.

I can’t explain the mystery of love. All I know, it is powerful enough to change me and became a person I never thought I could be. It was Him. And He’s worth all my love that I have for Him.

farewell to my popsy

It was a couple of weeks ago when the Beijing Olympics had started and officially opened. August 8, 2008.. This is now a historical date on the sports world. This is the most awaited and anticipated date for everyone who wanted to witness the olympics. I myself get excited too in spite that I am having an SEO training. But this date and event is surely unforgettable for me and my family not because of this event. This is the day when my father died.

It was August 8 2008 when my dad finally surrender his life to the Lord. It was painful...My dad is gone whom I used to call popsy. It's the only me who called him like that. Gone is the father that I used to know. My papa, my popsy, the man of my life is gone.. I am on the process of adjusting and accepting that he's with the Lord now.. I'm so sad.. all the memories are coming back from childhood until now. I'm his princess and he is the prince of my life. He's the reason why I stayed in Legaspi instead of giving myself a break with a promising job in Manila. I know it's just a piece of cake for me! But I reject the opportunity for him. I never regret it. It was worth it that I choose to spend my time with the last days of his life.

I will surely miss you popsy sooooooooo much... I love you my popsypops!! I know you know it.. But i know i can never replace the kind of love that you have for me. You reject the opportnuties abroad just to take good care of me. I know I'm d apple of your eye. I can never imagine the things you've done for me nor the things you sacrifice for me and for my brothers and sisters, but I thank the Lord for giving you to us. You're irreplaceable in our hearts.

My family and I are on the process of moving on... I still can't help myself to cry at night but I know that God is with me through every details of my pain. I know He's there, giving me comfort and the strength that I need. I thank God for He allow us to show to him how much we love him. I thank God for giving me a father like him. so caring and loving for me.. A father who loves to cook meal for me every time I take off to work.. A father who is sweet, funny, and thoughtful... Thank You Lord he is my dad.. I know that he is resting now and is happy now with the Lord...

who never get tired?????

The past few months was too exhausting on me.. I badly need to work while my body and health is compromised.. I have to admit its my fault because I neglect my health.. I became exhausted, mu mind, my body, and my soul.. I really messed up! I made things worse and complicated... in short.. I AM TIRED....

but on the midst of my trouble, all of my exhaustion, i realize that there is Someone who never gets tired of caring and loving you... when we have problems, it's a blessing that you have frends who you can trust and lean.. It's comforting that there are people who you can show your weaker side.. but there is nothing more intimate than to share your deepest hurts and burdens to Someone who is much nearer than your friends... who loves you more than your frends can ever show you.. who loves you just the same even you neglect Him so many times...

He never gets tired... He's the only one who will never ever get tired of loving me in spite of my ugliness, weaknesses, failures, discouragement,....all of me... in the midst of my dark and lonely journey, He's there, pouring me with LOVE and COMFORT... I know that He's there to carry me when I need it... Jesus is the best friend I've ever had.. He's always there to lift me up, wipe away my tears, and carr the burdens I have.. When I get tired...I just remember that I have someone who never get tired of LOVING ME.. it's JESUS.....

conversation of a child and a Father

This is my prayer for You my Father, Jesus, Oh Lord

Oh how I need You Lord

You are my Only HOPE

You’re my ONLY PLAN

So I will wait for You

To come and rescue me

Come and Give me Light

Where Am I goin Lord God, if I wake up this morning and You’re not by my side? The personal Father whom I know but knew me very well before I was conceived on my mother’s womb and exists here on earth

So I sing :

And I worship You Father of Light

Spirit of Truth

And I worship You

Jesus we call on You

You’re more than enough for me.. How happy I am to know that You’re everything to me but can give more than I need… The happiness that I felt can’t contain inside my heart..Please make my heart big..Expand it.. So I may know how to share it..to SHARE YOU to many people… I still keep on sinning, but You taught me to ask forgiveness.. You taught my that Your forgiveness is inexhaustible and unlimited… You’re not like us who get tire to pardon someone who keeps on hurting us over and over again… You taught me to be patient on myself with others just how You are patient with me..You taught me that every time I stumble, I must learn to stand up again, don’t look back, and keep goin, goin, goin,…life’s like that.. it isn’t easy as what I think

but as you go along with your journey, you will realize the value of life that I designed only for you… Come with me, and you will not regret a single day of your risks and sacrifices.. I teach you not only to overcome your temptations but I am also teaching you to have faith on Me. I will never let you go..I’m not asking you to be perfect overnight.. Just trust on Me my dear child..I am holding You in my arms now, there’s nothing more to fear… Enjoy the life that I gave you..there’s more to expect, there’s more to ask..All you need to do is to TRUST ME for I am always with you..

Your wonderful loving personal Father,

Jesus

You always make me cry my Father..I can’t say anything.. Thank YOU? Yeah Thank You but there’s more my heart can’t express… Thank You so muchhhh….. I love You Lord… Thank you so much… This is my prayer, in your Holy Son Jesus name, AMEN.

Purpose of everything----

For those who believe in purpose, even the most nonsense and most absurd events are also the source of something good.. out of boredom and laziness and losing my intellectual stimulation to create good thoughts, i was able to create a prayer.. yeah.. my prayer didn't automatically produce quick solution but nevertheless, i think this prayer helps me a lot to finish my work amidst all consequences..jeeeeezzzz i have to!!!!

here is my prayer..it simply reveals that in everything you do, God is the only Way for whatever problems you are facing though He will not respond the way how this trouble be solved.

I can’t write Lord god. It is only You whom I think today. I don’t want to waste my time for unpleasant and unworthy thoughts. You have blessed me soooooooooo much.. I wanted to give it back to You.. I don’t know how I feel except of anxiousness.. Lord God I ask You to remove my unworthy thoughts. For I know it will later dictate my destiny. Lord God help me to focus on Your work. Yeah, with the help of technology I was able to spread Your love in different ways.. Help me Lord God to battle all this fear to serve You..Help me to focus on You alone and not on the works of evil. I let this be my prayer for this moment. I can’t produce a good article for my work. You told me to face and overcome my fear. I will overcome the fear of going to hell because I am Yours. Teach me Lord God to believe in myself as I firmly believe in You.. Teach me to fight.. Teach me to bring myself on truth for I trust no one but You alone… Father forgive me for I cannot help but cry for Your mercy.. Forgive me for being sooo weak to fight… Just give me strength Lord God.. I know You’re always there.. Let me remind Myself that You’re the provider of everything.. I doubt myself but help me overcome this.. This is my prayer in the Holy Name of Your Mighty Son Jesus, AMEN…

The fact that I was still able to post this entry is because I am done with mah work..jeezzz..thanks and i praise and glorify God for that...see? everything happens for a purpose..

OVERCOMING FEAR

This is my theme of the month. Overcoming the things i feared. This is because it is like a self-imposed prison that limits your freedom from exhausting your life to the fullest. I am busy finishing my friggin backlogs but this is my way to release my stress. The past months we're not quite good for me. I have suffered crisis and numerous persecutions. But God is good! I know He never abandoned me. I know when I suffered, He knew everything how i felt. But now, God wants me to face my FEAR... This is the right time to do it. That's the significance of the book Destination Success i bought because of depression. The author talks about overcoming and facing fear.

"Overcoming your fear is the beginning of WISDOM"

This is the very first quote i remembered when he discussed about fear. The past few years I keep on running from them. But I realize how wrong I am. To overcome your fear, you must into them, not run away from them. You might say this is easier said than done. But with persistence and determination to overcome your shadow, you can. I experience a lot of struggles. I'm still on the process of overcoming my fear and this is not done overnight. It will need serious hard work. And if you cling to God, He will anchor you on your journey. I still stumble, but nevertheless I persevere.
Just like what David did to Goliath. He ran toward the fierce giant instead of running away from it. I guess all of us has Goliath in our hearts. What are they? If you know you fear something but don't know what it is, you're in deep trouble.

For me, overcoming fear is not the beginning of wisdom, but freedom..