OVERCOMING FEAR

This is my theme of the month. Overcoming the things i feared. This is because it is like a self-imposed prison that limits your freedom from exhausting your life to the fullest. I am busy finishing my friggin backlogs but this is my way to release my stress. The past months we're not quite good for me. I have suffered crisis and numerous persecutions. But God is good! I know He never abandoned me. I know when I suffered, He knew everything how i felt. But now, God wants me to face my FEAR... This is the right time to do it. That's the significance of the book Destination Success i bought because of depression. The author talks about overcoming and facing fear.

"Overcoming your fear is the beginning of WISDOM"

This is the very first quote i remembered when he discussed about fear. The past few years I keep on running from them. But I realize how wrong I am. To overcome your fear, you must into them, not run away from them. You might say this is easier said than done. But with persistence and determination to overcome your shadow, you can. I experience a lot of struggles. I'm still on the process of overcoming my fear and this is not done overnight. It will need serious hard work. And if you cling to God, He will anchor you on your journey. I still stumble, but nevertheless I persevere.
Just like what David did to Goliath. He ran toward the fierce giant instead of running away from it. I guess all of us has Goliath in our hearts. What are they? If you know you fear something but don't know what it is, you're in deep trouble.

For me, overcoming fear is not the beginning of wisdom, but freedom..

the UnBEARABLE TRUTHS ABOUT HELL

I spent almost two days of terror after I watched the documentary film entitled Hell is Real.. This is a three disc documentary film that revealed the thing "HELL" is really existing.. I only watched the last part for more than an hour.. I anticipated that watching this will not be easy for me.. I felt the burden of the pastor to share it with others..this is not going to be easy.. So am I. But i felt the big responsibility to share it with so many people.. And it is not easy for me to write it hir.. but it needs to be now...I will only share to you what I have learned and found out..
I really believe there is really hell, but the revealing truths were almost unimaginable for me..I never thought this kind of place really exists.. HELL is the place where souls are tortured..for eternity...you can imagine all the kinds of sufferings here on earth..now, multiply it by so many times, you can even use the 7 digit numbers, multiply it on its square root.. and that was HELL..

LAKES and WELLS of FIRE... 12 feet long WORM that NEVER DIES..these are the things that you can found in hell, endlessly torturing you in the most unimaginable and painful way..

now who are these people? don't even think that God wanted this to happen. He wanted all of us to be saved that's why He sent Jesus for us. Those people who don't simply ignore God.. Those people who have called million times but didn't even bothered to respond.. and they keep on saying, "I will serve you God, but not today..I will devote my time for you TOMORROW". What if this tomorrow never comes? No matter what we do, when we die, that was all useless..Who else? Those who never bothered to repent on their sins..Those who are happy and take mindless pleasures of committing sins over and over again.. Those who only live to satisfy themselves... Those who only devote their time in money making and never wanted to share it the less fortunate..

While you are still alive, there is hope.. This means that God is still giving us a chance to go back to Him, serve Him, and offer our life to Him... If we trust God, we don't need to be afraid.. This revelation is a clear message from God that He loves us so much and He wanted us to know the truth..
The message of Salvation through Jesus Christ is the truth.. Christ did his majo part. All we need to do is accept the fact the Jesus Christ is our Saviour and Redeemer. No one is destined to go to hell. If we are, then it's our choice!
Jesus loves us more than we ever imagined and ever needed. That is why He already paid the price for us. Faith in the name of Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation..If you still don't believe Him, the fact that you are still alive is a clear message that He is reaching out for you..

im sooo pissed off i found myself buying a good book!

so many things have happened to me that past few days. so many tangled emotions that i tried to vanquish with so many alternatives that might later make me well... watching movie, writing a journal, listening to some blood pumping and hell-raising music, dancing, eating, and now, buying a good book..i don't know im sooo depressed and im such a real mess big time! well this book, the title was Destination Success by Dwight Bain.. This is one of my fave books way back in college..this is the only change i get to buy this book..out of depression.. i know there's something in it.. i can't produce good quality articles because I am soo distracted and disturbed... my life is at stake a couple of days ago.. i hope i will be safe now that i moved to another boarding house... i still have a friggin jetlag since i saw that thief sneaking on our room... good for me if i didn't have a clear image of that guy.. hmm, he's ugly...that enough to steal away my sweet sleep (goodness gracious!)..so before i found out myself cut into pieces, its better to move another safe place to find a home.. is this a part of adjustment? i've been living on my former boarding house for almost two years.. this was my first time to move out.. damn that monster bastard! well life's like that..
i was hoping that things will be better this week. i hope i can improve my work..and i hope that this book can help me..of course i gotta read this first. maybe this weekend...

self-sabotage ..is the worst part of me.. bad things can be good things... that's according to the book i just bought few minutes ago.. makes sense... but i need to go back to work now...

fasting continues

well nothing much to say.. for the sake of putting an entry here.. its more than two since i started it..the first few days was soooo hard and difficult. i even experience dizziness, hungry and i felt week. but after few more days, not eating rice at night are no longer difficult.. im gradually losing weight.. but something is lacking..my relationship with God is not really progressing.. i need to work on it... my fasting is useless if I didn't renew my relationship with the Creator.. but everything I do, I dedicate it to him...i sometimes give myself chance to eat with what i really want..but more on less i can now discipline myself little by little..baby steps..slowly but surely..i need focus on Him, just like i am focusing on my weak points as a writer..thats what fasting is all about..

40 DAYS OF PRAYER AND FASTING

So much has happened to me lately.. But the last thing that brings more significance to me is the fast approach of Lenten Season. When we go to church that was the homily was all about. Its time for fasting again.. I don’t normally do it except that I don’t eat meat during Friday and during the holy week.. Lenten season is very normal for me.. Nothing much happen spiritually.. Yeah I prayed but it was an obligation for me.

This time I am taking fasting seriously for spiritual purposes and to grow closer to God. I started it last Monday and this would be my fifth day.. I am fasting for rice, I only eat once a day. For people who may find that easy, you don’t normally call it fasting. Eating rice for me is a big deal because I can’t live without it. Even I am loaded with other foods my appetite to eat will not yet slow down until I eat rice. That is why I don’t normally take snacks, I can survive without it.. But without rice??? Naaaaaahhhhh!!!!! I can’t live without it.. I can survive without eating other foods but not rice for crying out loud!! This is very true when I say it!

But for God I will do this. Yesterday I felt to dizzy and felt sooo weak.. I take snacks but for the past few days I cut back my rice intake. Oh I remember! I even fast for coffee. I have a tumbler big enough to be a pitcher. My coffee intake goes more than one liter a day! (I hope I was exaggerating but I’m not!). Then I go for oatmeal during dinner time and that was very very difficult for me.. I still try to obey my hunger but I avoid trying to eat rice. During night time I felt hungry because I know oatmeal would not be enough for me…Not just that! My stomachs really aching.. Ouch!! But have to endure it!

I am still on the crucial adjustment period. But with God I know its gonna be worth it.. I don’t know.. I am true when I say that I am taking my relationship with God more seriously than before. That is why I take courage to do the fasting most specially on rice and coffee.. These are the two things I can’t live without..

Fasting can be done in so many ways. But first, begin it with the desire to grow closer to God and He will help you overcome the desires of your flesh. I am not in the authority to say this, only my experience can attest to that. Always ask assistance and guidance to Him. You know that everything is possible with Him.. And now, I am continuously praying for the courage to continue what I’ve started. For now I cannot tell the results but I know that God recognizes it.

iT FEELS GOOD TO BE YOUNG!!!!!!

i'm always young at heart..but not what I used to think... my soul has been refreshed today in a different way..i don't know..maybe i am thinking too much of my age..they say that as you grow old, your energy is inclined to slow down...but ironically, this is not what happening to me... i don't know.. i was renewed and my soul has regained new energy... do you know how it feels go back on your age 10 years younger? i am still acting like a child but the feeling is quite different....wew!!! and what an energy!!! my age? oh!forget about it!! i doesn't show on my physical looks even the way i dress..haha!! i still look like a teenager... right now, i literally feel like a fourteen year old gurl about to bloom.. its because of the song performed by The Click Five. The title is "Time Machine" and the lyrics goes like this:

"Time Machine"

Oh what mess
you've got the best of my heart
It broke and now it's just a joke
Cause you're moving right along
I'm still here and you're gone
Oh what shame
You know I didnt mean for the winds to change
Won't ever be the same
Cause the kisses that you blew
Could never ever move

Chorus:

I think I need some time by myself

Without anybody else

I just need to unwind

In my time machine

I need to go far away

A few years back would be ok

I just need to unwind

In my time machine

Hey you
Ya i'm talking to you
You lost the love in bed
And now it's just dead
Cause it didn't mean a thing
Waiting for a ring
Hey it's a game
And ain't it a shame that it's just a show
I thought that this was love
But I can't be fooled again
I'm cryin' out
But I can't give in
All the things that we could change
(things that we could change)
Now we'll never be the same
By Myself
I don't need anybody else
I just need to unwind
In my time machine
In my time machine

hahahaha!!i can't help but laugh my ass off!! how this song can significantly feel this way!!i really feel like moving freely and dance stangely as long as i want..inside our hearts are souls with deep desires to be a child again because we are tired to think about the harsh of life can offer...i realized that sometimes, for a while, i need to give up being a grown up mature person and move wildly..breathing the life,,,taking the advantage of this exhaustible strength the force of the life can provide...
i don't know if i am undergoing the process of regression..14 years old..10 years ago..that was indeed a sign of regression..lol!!but it feels good to be one..to go back on my teenage self..just happy and uninhibited...full of vibrant energy...
sometimes, i wanna take plunge..give up the authourity and privilege that i am taking charge and take full responsibility of my life...
sometimes, i wanna forget how far iv'e grown..what are the thing i already achieved..just wanna be a teenager, a little child once again...
it feels good...to bring back the kind of stength thta you have when you were on your younger years..it feels good to feel like a little gurl by heart...by soul..my sould is regaining that kind on stength..its soo strange but its happening.....
i know the reason behind this and i wanna thank Him for making me feel this way..i will never forget this wonderful gift, this mysterious miracle...

nOthing mUch exCepT.............

Hmmm..i miss blogging lately..but not really writing because I am so busy with other stuffs..nothing much new to me except of my new haircut..im still d same old sassy fun to be with crazy smart ass gal who have ups and downs.. the past few days are filled with excitement and adventure...yeah i still feel depression but not much as compared with the past few months..i am in love..not with some dorks that you're thinking.. i am in love with the kind of life im living though sometimes i feel depressed, downhearted, and sometimes, empty..but nevertheless i bounce back from normal, being simply contented with the kind of life i have.. i am generally happy and contented as my spirituality keeps on growing..hmmm..whats my new stuff?

nothing much..my fondness on emo songs are strongly increasing..but i also felt an addiction towards rock christian music...thanks to my workmate hir and brother...my playlist is filled with christian music....

and my new outfit???!!lol!! only for this day i think.. but i promised it to myself.. i wanna give myself a try..but im still thinking about since i am not that comfortable.. but nevertheless i am happy with these "changes"..lol!!!

i keep on learning..i still love life though im a bit disturbed that is why I am playing emo songs on my media player to scream for me...grrrr.. i am pissed the past few days because of a good-for-nothing son-of-a-bitch asshole..but hell!!! i would say that i could kiss my ass for saying he's still the luckiest bastard on this side of the planet..d irony but the cold truth stabs like a double edge knife on me...

yeah!a bastard..sonofabitch..asshole..lucky piece of shit!!..but he is still lucky...well well well...
i don't give a damn... how come the insignificant creature will have a place on this blog? naaahhh!!!well, at least i am giving a space for myself to be completely stupid and dumb-sucking idiot..

wew....well..life must go on...i don't know if i hate him until now..i just want him to get rid out of my system royally...i know it has a purpose..(like this fucking entry!!) ..i just dnt know yet..wow!!exercising the power to choose and positive perspective..i am in charge of my life..i thank my Mighty Creator for being there for me.. oweiz..for loving the hell out of me..

but generally I am happy w my life..problem? naahh!!it shouldn't stop me from enjoying my meaningful life..problem is a part of it and im embracing my troubles with arms wide open..under the sunlight..welcome to my life!!(hahahaha3!!) now thats life!!we have problems but we just have to shrug them off..deal with the constructively and creatively.... you need it to make you a better person...sometimes it feels good to be an idiot..when you remember them, you can simply laugh them off and feel good about it later...

they may say life sucks!but who cares??life is life.. im living it..savoring every moment of my existence..lol!!just enjoy..take a plunge while you have the chances to breathe...