pls help me back to my normal system!!!..argh!

I don’t know why I am not in the mood for writing but the words keep flowing again on my bloody mind… I know I should start working but I guess I really need to keep my habit of making at least one entry per day on my blog…

I just wanna come back to my normal state.. Or is it the thrill that im seeking? Something that we lack on our relationship…??? I don’t know.. I guess my angel-looking-nerdy-frend is right after all. I need to balance.. how right she was wen she told me that I cheated my boyfriend wen I kip on communicating with my online crush.. oh how uncool!! So what I did yesterday was to stop visiting that site again.. I even send msgs to my frends there, telling that I’ll be gone for a couple of weeks.. Not bad after all.. I did send last msg to Brendan and told him ill be gone for a while coz im bc.. but its not really true..no, partly true.. il b bc trying to eradicate him out of my system..

At least right now Im happy that I’ve accepted the fact that I can always be his frend.. by God’s will I think.. a frend..yeah a frend.. my gorgeous frend Brendan…I’ll just get back to him by the time I was really over with this crazy feelings for him.. how lucky he can get to really make me feel this way.. coz I’ve felt like this kind of feeling to my first love.. I don’t wanna punish myself.. they say that wen you have feelings for someone, stand out for you really feel.. tell your feelings to that person.. but our situation was different and I don’t have any intentions of telling him.. that will be a super duper big blow on his E-G-O.. wow!! He’s so darn fuckin hot and handsome!!

I just wish I’ll get over with him soon.. or ill take time to make this work.. il keep in touch with him again as a frend hu happens to remember him after taking over on my bc life.. maybe I can always kip this admiration for him.. just like that.. not this feeling that I wanna have him as a.. uhurmm..!! LUVAHBOY…hahahhahahaha!!!!

This space that I took courage to ask for my honey.. I think I need to use this for getting over with Brendan coz I know that there’s no possibility that we can be together.. besides, even if we can be, even in online, im not even sure if his intentions were true.. and im not dt stupid to throw away our more than 5 years relationship, for crying out loud!!! That’s why the best thing that I can do is to get over with this emotion for Brendan..

It’s really hard.. that’s why its right that I ask for space.. a space that will not make me feel that I cheated him and felt guilty for this feeling I had with a stranger… this is the battle that I need to face with myself alone..

Now, im trying to go back to normal, including my torturous hormones.. damn!! A writer that used to focus on my writing..haha!! well I guess this is the spice of life.. the rollercoaster ride.. despite of this, I still love to live..

Huwwaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Its really hard.. but I really need to make a stand to do this.. from this day, I’ll stop visiting the site.. I will not communicate with any of them for a while.. this is the start.. and I think I need to divert my attention.. I guess I really nid to spice up my life in may ways so these emotions will not develop that’l kip on bugging me like plagues today..

When I’m down, I know that my frend, my guid, my Creator, my Father, my Guide, someone whu can truly understand me is here.. He more than understand me instead of judge me.. well, it’s Him hu truly knows my deepest feelings more than I cud ever imagine.. I praise Him for this.. I praise Him for keeping this faith on Him.. I praise Him for helping me get over with this trouble..

Lord God, just help me get through with this.. I just want to go back to normal, but not really the way it used to be.. I just want to start over again with the life you’ve given me.. the life that I really didn’t deserve but you give it eniwei..